Recently something made me think about how we have all been hurt. It is a fact of life. The world has been cursed. People are not perfect, it is natural to get lost in the busyness of life, and tread upon someone’s life and feelings. It is not right, it is not nice. God hates to see us hurt; he knows what it feels like. But it happens, and hopefully we can learn from it. I have been hurt sometimes in my life, and I know that I will be hurt even more and probably much worse, but there are some people who are deeply wounded–wounded to an extent that it is all but impossible to forgive. Grudges can be held, bitterness is formed and the hurt never fully heals… they live the rest of their life out of their pain. They show everyone their wound. They expose it, and parade it about in order to gain sympathy. . . . . .

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There are some pains no amount of time can mend, some pains that reoccur like a childhood dream. We try to stuff our hearts with distractions and fantasies so distant that we fade into a quiet existence of delusional realities. We can forgive and forget, love and learn, and yet not escape the ever reoccurring dream.

It is the devil’s great pleasure to grab us with his bloody claws, and penetrate our hearts with his fangs. Our lives are devastated. We rush to the closest alternative of reality in a desperate attempt to forget our throbbing heart that remains lying at the feet of the enemy. The open hole in our chest repeatedly reveals to our dearest comrades that we have experienced great trauma. Out of a desire to show them how badly we have been wounded, we rip open the bandage, tearing off the scabs of healing–creating fresh pain and larger scars. Disgusted, our friends turn away; leaving us no excuse but to blame the past for what has happened in the present.

Longing to see ourselves changed–longing to see our heart restored to our body we start life anew. We tell ourselves that all will be better. Nobody knows our past, no one knows of the wound that even now affects our life’s walk. We stoop over from the pain as if our very backbone has been ripped out as well. It is obvious to all around us that something is wrong, and again, desiring sympathy and attention we rip off the bandages exposing our bodies to new pain.

We feel hopeless. We are hopeless. No one seems to care. Nobody is wallowing at our door begging to comfort! So we return to that place of horror, ready to give into the old venomous devil. We see him on his hellish throne–eager to consume our souls. But first, in a grudge of submission he turns to the heavens, as if for permission. And in stark wonder, we see a bright light, so bright to our sore eyes that we fall to the ground, overcome with even worse pain.

We see, in all His glory, the King standing at the threshold of Hell–blood gushing from His hands. He holds our hearts, but the blood comes not from that–now black, crusty thing–but from His hands, and His side, and His feet. And to the wonder of the whole world, our heart begins pumping, anew, His blood.

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Forgiveness is not a thing we can manage on our own. It is a miracle of God. Only GOD can forgive on such high levels of trespass. Jesus Christ never proved His divinity more than when He requested on the cross: “Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.”

As humans since it is so difficult for us to forgive, our immediate tendency is to fill our minds and lives with distractions and such in order that we do not have to sit and think about our pain. But we constantly live with this subconscious fear, and memory of what happened to us. We go through our lives “stooped over” as it were with this wound–or burden, so much so, sometimes, that we look at life upside down. And we live a life of constant failure, and hate, and fear–we live a wretched life.

But we must remember that all these distractions…whether it’s movies, books, music, work, alcohol, drugs, spirituality, friends, romance—whatever it may be, none of this can replace our “missing” heart. Only God can replace and fill that hole with what it truly needs. Only God, can truly make amends, take revenge, and ultimately forgive. So we must lean on Him and trust in His strength. Then we can truly live a “happy” life.

C.D.