I guess what I’m learning is to be okay with sadness touching every strand of my life, if it wants to. That sounds painfully melancholy. I don’t mean to say I am going to go find Sadness and drag her into every memory, thought, and experience.

But when she shows up, I want to invite her in and acknowledge her presence. Believe it or not, being sad doesn’t have to take away from a parallel joy.

Why have we split joy and sadness into these opposing binaries? So often they seem to be presented as exclusionary. Of course, there may be times when we, for our own mental health, ought to set aside things like sadness and worry so that we can be fully present to our joy. And there may be times when we delay joy in order to allow our anger a voice.

But I propose these times are an exception.

This extends to more than just our interior lives.

Let me give you several examples to show what I mean by joy (or any “light” emotions) being in the same room as sadness (or any “dark” emotions).

Several years ago when I was driving through Utah thinking about how beautiful it was and how geologically diverse and beautiful the entire country is and how much I love America. But I was also thinking about the people after which Utah was named. I looked them up and I began to grieve what white European-Americans had done to them. And I wondered what it would look like if history had taken a more positive course. What beauty have we missed out on?

In that moment, I felt two totally valid (I think) but seemingly opposing emotions about my country and the land I called “home.”

I felt admiration and love for the land and gratitude for the ability to drive relatively freely from one end of the continent to the other. But I also felt intense sadness and shame for the historical realities that had brought me to that moment and that still exist for many people.

A similar experience played out last month at my wedding. That day was one of the best, most joyful days of my life. But present in the room as I remember my wedding day is Sadness at the fact that my mom wasn’t there. To ignore her memory, in my mind, is to dishonor her and the love I have for her. Both Joy and Sadness came to my wedding and that’s okay.

I could give more examples. We all have these experiences…

But that’s the point. The human experience is one entangled in joy and sadness and anger and hope and we can acknowledge the presence of each of them without invalidating the others.

It feels like we usually like to keep these things in tidy little boxes and we’re devastated when Sadness or Anger sneaks out and shows up at Joy’s party. And I just don’t think that cultivates a healthy, vibrant inner life or society.

Acknowledging the presence of emotions like Sadness or Anger whenever they’re in the room invites the possibility that a shadow will hang over my every experience in life. I don’t think they will.

But I guess that’s what I’m learning to be okay with.

Next time, perhaps let’s talk about how some of us don’t even see Sadness standing at the door.

C.W.