Prelude:
This post was written merely 17 days after my Mom’s death on November 6, 2012 (chronologically before my previous post, “[Not] an Accident”).
In the immediate after math of the accident, the Family of God surrounded our family with incredibly love and comfort. I can’t explain to you how healing and helpful that was. It breaks my heart that not everyone who experiences loss gets that kind of support.
If you know someone who has experienced loss—loss of any kind: a loved one, a baby, a marriage, a child’s faith, a church, a friendship, even significant material things—show them love. Sit with them. Take them food. Try not to talk to much, but do ask them questions. Ask them if they want to talk about their loved one. Don’t forget them.
These are the ramblings of a grief stricken soul under the tremendous grace of an Almighty God.
Ramblings
I Don’t Need to Be Understood
A little over a year ago my mentor gave me some valuable feedback about how I relate to people. I had just returned from a mission training school which he happens to teach at and apparently one or two other students (who are all phenomenal people, btw) gave some brave feedback in a debriefing paper about finding it difficult to relate to me. I guess it seemed like I was argumentative and didn’t value other people’s opinions as much as I did my own.
It wounded my ego at first, but I could see where they were coming from because it’s a little bit of a recurring theme in my life.
I enjoy a proper conversation about substance. Talking about sports and celebrities and the weather just gets boring after a while. Even more, I like it when people are willing to disagree because it’s when we disagree that we learn stuff.
I’m not saying I’m a crusty guy who only talks about religion and politics. Far from it. I actually hate political conversations and heated arguments and have participated in my share of silliness.
It’s just that other people’s opinions are fascinating to me. I like hearing their train of logic and why they believe what they believe. Why is one of my favorite words. I don’t know why parents completely squash it out of us when we’re kids.
Of course–as with any human–I naturally prefer my opinion over others. That’s why I have it. I’m biased to my train of logic and point of view. (You probably are too.)
And so instead of listening and trying to understand what the other person is really saying, it can be easy for me to start building my next thought. I think most of us have this problem. And sometimes, I do run over other people and even belittle their opinion.
I do think I have been getting better, especially after I found out that it was a real problem at Bible school. But I’ll let my friends decide whether that’s true or not.
Here’s the thing I’ve learned about myself, though. When I get frustrated in a conversation, it’s usually not because the other person has a different opinion or point of view. I’ve grown up interacting with a myriad of opinions. It bothers me more when people obviously have an opinion and refuse to share it because they don’t want to argue. (There’s a difference between having a rigorous conversation and a heated argument–but the untrained eye might not be able to see it.)
I get frustrated for a couple of reasons–but one in particular keeps recurring and I’m realizing it’s actually a very silly reason.
I get frustrated when I don’t feel understood.
Either I haven’t articulated my opinion very well or people have over complicated things and assumed beliefs into my statements. Or sometimes I get in trouble by playing the “devil’s advocate” and the next thing I know I’m backed into a corner defending the devil’s point of view because people thought I actually believed it. I shake my head and wonder why I’m defending the devil! I was just testing the parachute for holes before I put it on.
Nothing is more frustrating to me than being misunderstood.
But here’s the thing I’ve learned: It doesn’t matter. It really doesn’t matter if people understand me. I don’t need to go round-and-round in an argument until they fully grasp my point of view.
I know what I’m trying to say. I know why I pushed back on an argument I thought had some holes. I know why I posted that article or poll I found fascinating. I don’t need to go around making sure everyone understands where I stand. I don’t need to prove my point.
What does matter is that I strive to understand other people. No matter who it is, I can guarantee they have a story, they have reason they are where they are. They have a “why.” And sometimes the only persuading they need is a listening ear and an understanding heart.
It’s a powerful thing to be understood. Not labeled or boxed up, not rejected or pandered to, not condemned, belittled or pacified.
Understood. Known. As a real person with a real story and a real why.
So who have you argued with recently? Can you say you really understand where they were coming from? Were you able to walk away without “proving your point”?
If you did, you’re a remarkable person. That takes real guts!
C.D.
One Hundred Eleven
Here’s a random fact: It’s been two years, two months, and ten days since I last published an actual post on a personal blog (apart from the “I have a new website” posts that I did).
Obviously–given the two year gap–it’s been hard to get back into the groove of blogging. Having been dormant for so long, I’ve pretty much lost any sort of rhythm that I had. Thus my writing habits have devolved into random spurts that splatter themselves all over Google Drive. It’s terribly messy.
Part of the problem is that my actual job involves a lot of writing. And by “a lot,” I mean, it’s nearly all writing and sitting at a computer. Therefore, writing and sitting at a computer is usually the last thing I want to do for a hobby (unless it means mindlessly scrolling Facebook or surfing Youtube).
All that to say: the creative juices haven’t exactly been flowing.
Nevertheless, here I am. Writing. And that’s what counts, I guess.
Speaking of counting…
I should divulge something right away: I’m a little bit of a nerd. I built a fictional world when I was twelve years old, complete with maps, fragmented languages, histories, and a 70,000+ word novel; I watch YouTube videos about string theory for fun, I’ve read The Silmarillion three times (and other abstract Middle-Earth lore), and I notice quaint little things like when the clock reads 11:11.
In fact, a couple of years ago, I started noticing the time 11:11, or the number 1 anywhere in repeated consecutive order, so much that I began taking it as God’s way of reminding me that he loves me.
“Oh look, it’s 1:11pm. God loves me” or ‘Your destination is in 11.1 miles…’ “Aha! God loves me,” weird little stuff that only a nerd would find interesting. Could be coincidence, if you want to spoil all the fun.
This whole number thing is significant to me because over the past few years I’ve struggled to feel like I have any sort of meaningful connection with God. But I’m beginning to doubt my feelings more and more.
Knowing God’s Will and Becoming Passionate About Him
If God told us exactly what we should do for the next years, I think it would be easy for us to check out and not actually depend on the Father and learn to trust and love Him. His desire is for relationships with His children, not business partnerships.
Instead He says “Seek first my kingdom by loving me and doing good works, and I’ll take care of the rest.”
This requires constant trust in Papa and dependance on His Spirit to guide us. This produces relationship which produces love. It allows us to see that He is trustworthy–that Jesus is faithful and finishes what He started.
Wise men say the “weight of God’s glory” is a fancy way of saying “God’s value.” What is God’s value? Immeasruable!
All of that–love, dependability, commitment, grace–is the weight of God’s glory, His value. That is what He wants the world to see: how valuable He is–not as a business partner, not as a boyfriend, not as a slave master, not as a divine Santa Claus–but as a committed, dependable, loving Father.
He’s not up there grumbling, “Christopher’s not doing anything significant. Man, I really regret creating him. He’s just sitting on his bum looking at Facebook. Holy Spirit, give Him a little kick to get started! Jesus, are you sure this is one we want serving us? Look at how he keeps sinning! I’m going to withhold my favor and pleasure from him and not tell him my one specific purpose for his life until he shows himself committed and faithful.”
NOO!! That’s not the Father’s attitude AT ALL! Not an ounce of that is true! The Father is saying “I want to show MY glory through YOUR personality, because I absolutely love you and I love the way I created you! If you have sinned, please let me cleanse you because I don’t want ANYTHING to separate us EVER AGAIN.”
He says “I love you child” before we ever say “I love you Daddy.” He says “Let’s do something together” before we ever say “I want you in my life.” He’s not waiting for us to straighten things out, rather He’s saying “Let’s go on an adventure together and maybe in the meantime, we can work through some of these problems.”
Through this kind of Fathering, His glory is made known to us and those who see us. He isn’t glorified by how clean and unwrinkled we are, He is glorified by how good, patient, just, holy and faithful HE is and how alive we are.
So instead of waiting around for a moment when your life-purpose becomes crystal clear, start seeking God’s kingdom first and doing the good works already before you and give Papa the chance to “take care of the rest.”
Do you feel apathetic toward God? Like you don’t love Him as much as you should? Do something and trust Him to guide you, because it is through relational interaction that love develops and passion is stirred.
C.D.
When a Cynic Looks for Jesus Under Rocks
Most people probably do not realize this, but I’ve become somewhat cynical over the past several years, looking for Jesus under rocks and wearing really smelly shoes.
I feel tremendously inadequate to follow Jesus and often doubt my salvation. Some people seem so confident in their theology, as if having proper theology is what makes one right with God. I imagine them watching and waiting, with their boxes and labels, for me to make a mistake.
I stumble through life trying to figure things out, trying to find Jesus—because He seems like a good guy—under every rock and through every valley. I question things that don’t make sense, and want to crush things that hurt me.
All the while, I have the feeling that someone is waiting around the corner, waiting for me to make a wrong turn so they can box me up and label me as “doubter,” “heretic,” “legalist,” “angry,” “liberal,” “conservative”—whatever path I happen to cross in my stumbling journey—and then ignore me.
Sometimes I wonder if I can trust anyone–will everyone simply marginalize (box and label) me? Because that’s my greatest fear: to be relegated to a cold dark box somewhere, left to jabber to myself. Is there anyone who won’t hurt me at some point? Who won’t let me down and turn out to be terribly flawed like the rest of us?
I guess that’s why I look for Jesus. But I don’t even do that very well.
Sometimes I flip over a rock to see if Jesus is there (for some reason I always think He’s hiding) but instead of moving on to the next rock, or looking up into the next tree, or around the next bend, I just sit down and give up.
Looking for Jesus is so hard.
I weep right now as I write this because I know in my heart that it is not hard to find Jesus. I know that I could just go over and sit on the edge of my bed and He’d be sitting there just waiting to talk. I know in my heart that Jesus loves me and even likes me. I know this in my heart. I cry like a little baby because I know it in my heart, but I don’t feel it in my soul, or believe it in my head.
How could someone as important as Jesus actually like a bumbling fool who doesn’t even always want to find Him. Sometimes it feels as if Jesus and I are playing hide-and-go-seek and I lose interest and go play with my toys instead of looking for Jesus. He then, has to come find me (playing with my toys) and we start the game all over again.
I don’t know why someone as important as Jesus keeps looking for a bumbling fool, but that doesn’t really matter. What really baffles me is why I keep losing interest in looking for someone as important as Jesus.
Maybe it is because I’m a bumbling fool.
It is in the rare moments of starting to believe that Jesus really does love me as I am, not as I should be, that I am totally surrendered to whatever He wants me to do. People will do ANYTHING for someone they know loves them unconditionally.
Yet, when I say this, I feel the critical eye of righteous people and imagine they say “You should love Jesus whether He loves you or not. You should want Jesus whether you feel love or not.”
I guess that’s true. But what’s amazing is that seemingly logical expectation is not in Scripture! If anything, there is the opposite. Scripture is full of reminder after reminder to not forget God’s everlasting love. It is almost as if God is saying “My love is the very reason you should follow me!” The Bible says it is God’s kindness which leads us to repentance and His love which enables us to love Him back.
The truth is, I am an arrogant, self-righteous, self-sufficient, bumbling fool. There are times my thoughts and actions smell as bad as my shoes.
But somehow, somewhere, the love and grace of Jesus have cleansed and are cleansing my soul, washing away its filth and filling it with sweet fragrance. I don’t want to react to good people or true theology, I don’t want to deny Christ, I don’t want to live in apathy; but I also don’t think cleaning up those dirty areas will incur more grace from God. Rather, I am convinced more grace from God will incur a cleansing of my soul.
Please God, give me more grace, more holiness, more love. Give me more Jesus.
C.D.
Quit Being So Negative!
How do you view God? Do you see Him as hard to please?
Consider this statement for a moment: You fall short of God’s grace and love and there is absolutely no way for you to ever please Him.
Sounds Biblical right? But how do you respond? Are you drawn to God? Does it quicken your heart to respond in repentance? Maybe. But most likely you feel discouraged. A subtle, subconscious feeling of hopelessness enters in and negative thinking is introduced into your mind.
The problem is that yes, the above statement is true, but only partially. You DO fall short of God’s grace and love—but He extends it ANYWAYS. There IS absolutely no way for you to ever please God ON YOUR OWN STRENGTH. God finds much pleasure in you when the blood of Jesus Christ has COMPLETELY cleansed you of anything that would displease God.
So when these thoughts run through our minds, we slowly become discouraged and lose interest in God. We see daily just how much we fall short. We feel condemned, fearful, and hopeless. And we either give up, or start living out of a drive to please God.
God does not operate through negativity. SO STOP IT! Just stop.
The King came to His enemies, not to condemn, but to LOVE. In response to His love and KINDNESS, we, His enemies, forsake our old lives and become His friends. Once we are His friends, He makes us His very own children. And as His children, we are given power, bravery, endless access to His throne, and UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.
Fear, doubt, and condemnation are not of God’s kingdom so STOP allowing them to reign in your mind. You have the freedom to do this. Christ has given you permission to quit thinking negatively about yourself and others.
Jesus cares for you. Give HIM your fear, doubt, condemnation, lust, pride, unforgiveness, and all your negativity. You were lost and deserve God’s wrath, but Christ took that upon Himself. He has found and freed you. Think on THAT! Rejoice. You are free to rejoice! Get rid of whatever is keeping you from joy, trust God AND REJOICE!
When I allow this truth to reign in my heart, I am DRAWN to Christ: I am drawn to pray and to read His word; to love and serve Him.
“Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.” – Philippians 4:8
“For God did not send the Son into the world to judge [condemn] the world, but that the world might be saved through Him.” – John 3:17
“[The sinner] said, ‘No one [condemns me], Lord.’ And Jesus said, ‘I do not condemn you, either. Go. From now on sin no more.’ –John 8:11 ‘Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.’” – Romans 8:1
“We love [Him], because He first loved us.” – 1 John 4:19
C.D.
“I Love You Too!”
The other night as I sat with friends and family in the Miller living room, it suddenly felt like Jesus silently walked in, sat beside me, and whispered “I love you!” In disbelief at first, I ignored it. “I love you!” he seemed to repeat. It seemed like He wanted me to respond. So I did. “I love you too!” I thought awkwardly.
This is relationship. I had real interaction with Jesus Christ, the Creator and Sustainer of life! I think that this type of interaction really happens many times, but I usually doubt it and dismiss it as simply emotion. I will always cherish this brief interaction with Jesus, and look for more. It amazes me how loving and good God really is. Even in His wrath, He is still loving and good.
Yesterday morning, as I sat in on a chapel service, the speaker showed a YouTube clip about persecution in Indonesia. In the clip, Muslims were slaughtering other Muslims who had converted to Christianity. Although it was only six minutes long, I kept thinking to myself “Just make it stop already! Just make it stop!” I thought the clip would never end, but I knew I had to watch as much of it as I could stomach. I had to see. This brutality is the price these people have to pay in order to follow Christ. And then I thought about how this is what Jesus had to pay to set us free! Not only was He mocked and ridiculed, but He was beaten and bruised, and His flesh was torn apart. He suffered immense pain, agony and separation from the Father [God] so that we could be forgiven of sin and unified with the Father.
And I realized how pathetic my love for Him is. Could I honestly bear His name, while having half my scalp chopped off? I’m not sure I could, save by His incredible grace.
I desperately desire deeper love for Christ. I long for stronger faith so that I can stand firm on the Rock, Jesus Christ. I want to trust Jesus, rather than doubt Him or His love. I want to be convinced of God’s goodness. By realizing my security in Christ and knowing that He is completely good and loving, I can endure the pain He may call me to.
Someone once said something like: “to the degree that we suppress pain, we also suppress joy.” I desperately want to be surrendered to this concept: that to experience great joy, I must also allow myself to experience great pain.
I think in many ways I have tried to suppress my pain. I have tried to be strong. But I think there is something beautiful about just letting yourself hurt and allowing yourself to be weak. The picture that I get is a big and strong middle-aged man kneeling before a gravestone bawling and letting his pain out by gasps and screams.
Many times we get knocked down and we can’t get back up. We need a helper, a savior, a healer. Jesus Christ is that Healer.
I do not know if I have responded well to the pain and hard things in my life, but I want to do better. I want to allow myself to hurt: to grieve loss, struggle with change and allow Christ to bring healing when it is time.
I don’t like pain—I run from it. I pursue happiness just like everyone else. But there is health in bleeding; there is relief in flowing tears. “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.” Finally, I am beginning to understand this verse. Jesus is saying, “Allow yourself to hurt, because I will comfort you!” And we will hurt, but we can’t “bottle” it up, or we’ll burst.
Keep battling on. Keep hurting. Keep healing. Keep relating. Keep living. The end is in sight, just a few more years. God is faithful, by His strength we can do this!
Poured Out Like Wine
Hugo McCord
Would you be poured out like wine
upon the altar for Me?
Would you be broken like bread
to feed the hungry?
Would you be so one with Me
that you would do just as I will?
Would you be light and life
and love My Word fulfilled?
Yes, I’ll be poured out like wine
upon the altar for You
Yes, I’ll be broken like bread
to feed the hungry
Yes, I’ll be so one with You
that I would do just as You will
Yes, I’ll be light and life
and love Your Word fulfilled
Where He Leads Me
Ernest W. Blandy
I can hear my Savior calling,
I can hear my Savior calling,
I can hear my Savior calling,
Take thy cross and follow, follow Me.
Where He leads me I will follow,
I’ll go with Him, with Him, all the way.
I’ll go with Him through the garden,
I’ll go with Him through the garden,
I’ll go with Him through the garden,
I’ll go with Him, with Him all the way.
Where He leads me I will follow,
I’ll go with Him, with Him, all the way.
I’ll go with Him through the judgment,
I’ll go with Him through the judgment,
I’ll go with Him through the judgment,
I’ll go with Him, with Him all the way.
Where He leads me I will follow,
I’ll go with Him, with Him, all the way.
He will give me grace and glory,
He will give me grace and glory,
He will give me grace and glory,
And go with me, with me all the way.
Where He leads me I will follow,
I’ll go with Him, with Him, all the way.
C.D.
In the Despair — a Poem of Hope
I believe that all men
At a point in their life
Do arrive to a state
Of despair.
–
“Oh my God,” cried the king,
“Where are you in this world?”
We do fear that the Lord
Is not fair.
–
But despite our small thoughts
Our Lord God who redeems,
Keeps us in, close to Him
And His care.
–
We can
Surely
Know He
Will not
Falter
On His
Promise.
–
In the times of confusion
Trust in God’s substitution.
–
On the cross in the East
God did die for our release.
–
There is trouble
There is pain;
But in all
Can be gain.
–
Even when
God seems far,
Don’t despair
For you are
On a journey
That is good,
And will make you
More strong than wood.
–
So look up to the sky,
And whisper to God:
“I will trust you
I will serve you.”
Even if you feel
Under a curse,
Know that Christ
Loved you first.
–
There is a hope
Midst the sorrow.
I will wait
For tomorrow.
C.D.
Failure or Success?
“I think our entire culture suffers to hear, ‘I love you whether you succeed or not. Whether you’re productive or not. I just love you.’”
– Donald Miller
Success. We all want to be successful, right? Our brains are trained to think that unless we measure up to such-and-such a standard, we will not make it—we will have no value in the world. When a business man invests in a company, he expects good dividends in return. Why would it be any different for a human? When teachers invest time and energy, isn’t it expected that the pupil will grow up and give back to the teacher by benefiting society? If not, either the teacher or the student has failed. If what we invest in does not return benefits to us in any way, it is a failure and not worth our attention. We are Westerners we are born and bred to think this way.
So if Christians do not bear so-called “fruit” (whatever that may be), they are failures right?
Wrong!
“When you produce much fruit, you are my true disciples. This brings great glory to my Father” (John 15:8). This is a promise, not a command. If we are Christ’s disciples we WILL bear fruit.
We have a mindset that says if something is a “failure” [that which does not fulfill our human-defined measure of success] it is worthless. This mindset causes us to look for success in others and try to copy it and we are rarely able to do so. We work and work to try to “measure up” to the talents, abilities, or success of others but we can never do good enough. We constantly fail our expectations. Why? Because our standard is falsely based on other individuals’ success, instead of God’s truth.
God created each of us individually and set us on separate paths toward success. Yes, He desires and plans for us to be successful. But what is success? Success is doing what we are expected to do, fulfilling our purposes. If someone is a mail man and he carries mail from place to place, than he is fulfilling his purpose. He is successful.
God made us with a purpose. He originally planned and still plans for us to individually worship and commune with Him. That is what we see with Adam and Eve.
So we have a function—a purpose: God created us to individually worship and commune with Him. This is our goal. This is what we fix our lives on, to fulfill that purpose. Knowing this we no longer need to measure up to the external doings of other people. When we focus on worshiping God we no longer pursue being noticed, or having such-and-such grades, talents, or status. We only pursue Jesus.
So what is failure? It is not failing a test, not getting last place in a competition, not lacking knowledge or experience, not failing in evangelism, not lacking money, or not lacking talent musically, physically, or mentally. Failure is lacking a relationship with Jesus Christ the King of Kings, the Creator, the Lover, the Savior. Jesus said “Remain in me and I will remain in you, for a branch cannot produce fruit if it is severed from the vine, and you cannot be fruitful unless you remain in me“ (John 15:4). God does not measure our “success” by what we do, but rather by who we are.
Read this carefully:
God created you to worship and commune with Him. When you are a child of God, you are walking a path of worship and communion with God. Therefore if you are a child of God, you are a success in God’s eyes. And when you continue to pursue Him and walk with Him and open up your heart to Him, He finds you more and more successful. No amount of success is too little or too great in His mind, because He loves you and He LOVES when you are successful. It thrills His heart.
Success is not something you can emulate—copy. It is personal and individual and can only happen when you are in Christ.
“If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved” (Romans 10:9). Salvation is extremely simple, but it is the continued walk that can be hard. Do not worry about what you look like to other people. Focus on God. Discipleship cannot be faked, so don’t try to fake it. Just surrender EVERYTHING you have and are to Jesus—and He will do the rest. This is success.
C.D.
He Loves Me, Yes!
I have found it healthy to now and then go back and remember life: to recall one’s thoughts and actions a couple of days, weeks, months or years ago. This morning I took the time to look back in my journal nearly three months. I came to November 4, 2012 in which I wrote about some personal struggles I was having. About half way through I penned these words: “I just wish I could feel and touch, see and hear Jesus.”
On Monday November 5, 2012, I wrote about what I might say at my brother Asher’s wedding reception on the 10th (which I did not actually say, then). I also described some good experiences we were having in Colorado. Life was relatively normal—even good, I would say.
[Turn the page.]November 12, 2012: “My life has forever changed.”
I cannot bring myself to read November 12th. I read the first paragraph and realized that every fiber of my being loathes this journal entry, but every fiber of my spirit says that reading it would be healthy. It is like pulling off a bandage for the first time.
My left elbow got all chopped up by glass in the accident and the first gauze bandage that was put on, “healed” itself into the wound. This meant that if I wanted to take the bandage off, the scab had to come off as well. It felt like all the healing had been “undone.” But if I wanted a wound free elbow again, it had to happen.
Or maybe it is better described like my back, which was severely put out-of-place. Apparently the vertebral column is so smart that if put out-of-place, over time it will align itself with gravity so that your head will be straight again, even if your back is still out-of-place. So over November and December my back “fixed” itself and quit hurting. Then I went to the chiropractor and had it adjusted, and the pain was renewed. It is not that the chiropractor gave me a bad adjustment, it is just that my back fixed itself wrong, and it may continually need to be put back in place until the muscles get used to the normal positioning.
So it is with my soul. Over time it has coped and settled with the new reality of the absence of Mom and the grief and pain that accompanies it. But God comes along and, sometimes gently sometimes not—but always perfectly, gives me an adjustment.
Great pain is not something one can just ignore and still remain healthy. If I lightly burn my finger, I can live through the pain and my body will heal itself properly; but if I break my leg, it would be wise to immediately seek medical attention and to continually do so until my leg is fully healed, not necessarily made “normal,” but healed.
God is the Great Physician. It is fun to watch Him “do His thing.” It is not always fun to have him “do His thing” on you, but it is always worth it.
Most of the healing is not done through a grand miracle or a great remedy, but through the slow process of therapy; the process of going back, again and again for adjustments, learning how to walk again, or talk—or love.
So here I am: learning to “walk” again and to trust God. It is easy for me to get lost in the world between the pages of November 5th and November 12th; to wish for life before November 6th happened and to fantasize about how life would be had it not. But I am learning that reality has me in a pool of grief flowing from November 6, 2012. And the amazing thing about reality is that God wants to swim with me in my grief. He does not want to take me outside of the pool and have lemonade. He wants to soak up my grief with me and be there to teach me to swim in the deep parts.
I cannot do this alone. I need God. I need His peace to get me through. I need His love.
His love. What an amazing thing. If I could only grasp a fraction of it, I would be content. But wait, I do not need to grasp His love. He gives it to me freely, and pours it unrestrained into my heart, and from this truth every lie flees. Because if God—the Almighty, the Holy Judge, the Sovereign King over everything—has given me His love without condition, and has justified me and placed me in Christ who sits at God’s right hand: who is there to condemn me? Who is there to keep me from peace? Who can stop me from being healed? No one, I say, because nothing can separate me from the love of God.
On the morning of Tuesday, November 6, 2012, I again repeated to Jesus those words I had written two days before: “I just want to feel you and touch you, to see you and hear you, Jesus.” Three days later as people filed passed my family after attending my Mom’s funeral, I realized that every single day since the 6th I had felt and touched, seen and heard Jesus in an amazingly wonderful and terrible way; because I had felt, touched, seen, and heard the Body of Christ.
He listened to me! And in a weird way, He used tragedy as an answer to my prayer. Yes. Yes! YES! He loves me!
It is because of this love that I can keep pressing forward (although I need daily reminders). It is the assurance of Christ’s affection for me that gives me hope, because I know that all things work together for good to them that love God. Why? Because He loves us.
The Love of God
Frederick Martin Lehman
The love of God is greater far
Than tongue or pen can ever tell;
It goes beyond the highest star,
And reaches to the lowest hell;
The guilty pair, bowed down with care,
God gave His Son to win;
His erring child He reconciled,
And pardoned from his sin.
–
O love of God, how rich and pure!
How measureless and strong!
It shall forevermore endure
The saints’ and angels’ song.
–
When years of time shall pass away,
And earthly thrones and kingdoms fall,
When men, who here refuse to pray,
On rocks and hills and mountains call,
God’s love so sure, shall still endure,
All measureless and strong;
Redeeming grace to Adam’s race
The saints’ and angels’ song.
–
O love of God, how rich and pure!
How measureless and strong!
It shall forevermore endure
The saints’ and angels’ song.
–
Could we with ink the ocean fill,
And were the skies of parchment made,
Were every stalk on earth a quill,
And every man a scribe by trade,
To write the love of God above,
Would drain the ocean dry.
Nor could the scroll contain the whole,
Though stretched from sky to sky.
–
O love of God, how rich and pure!
How measureless and strong!
It shall forevermore endure
The saints’ and angels’ song.
C.D.